Problems in relationships are inevitable. No matter how compatible or in love you are with each other, sooner or later you’ll run into problems of one kind or another. That’s just part of being in a relationship.
The long term success of your relationship will depend on how you deal with those problems when they arise. Will you both be able to resolve them and nurture your relationship in the process? Or will they go unresolved, festering over time, nurturing nothing but resentment, insecurity, and unhappiness?
In any kind of relationship problem there are two approaches to dealing with it: 1. Together with your partner…the two of you can decide to address the specific issues. 2. And / or you as an individual can work on yourself to resolve your side of the problem.
The first way, of course can only be used if both of you are conscious of the problem and the need to resolve it. In many cases, unfortunately, it may be that only one person in the relationship is aware of the problem or willing to try to resolve things. There’s simply no way you can change another person, or change the way they think.
When you understand this, you realise that the alternative approach is to work on yourself, at a deep level; build up a strong foundation within yourself, change the way you look at things. Find the source of your inner strength. Find the love and inspiration that comes from within yourself.
Connect with the deeper, more spiritual part of yourself, and you will develop a self-confidence that others will notice and admire. Then the ripples of your inner personal growth will radiate outwards into your relationship, and into the awareness of your partner too.
Your increased self-confidence will resolve many relationship problems.
When you connect with your spirituality you will grow in self-confidence. Knowing who you are, where you are going in life, and what your dreams are, will give you a huge confidence boost. Your partner will subconsciously notice this, and will automatically respond in a very positive way.
Great sex is part of being spiritual, and means less relationship problems.
Self-confidence is a very strong attraction in romantic relations, and is a very sexy quality for both men and women. When you are self-confident in your spirituality, you will feel more playful when it comes to sex. You will have less expectations, less tension, and will feel more adventurous in the bedroom (or any other location for that matter!). Your partner will love the new, sexy you and will get really turned on by your sexual energy!
Just the simple fact of having great sex regularly can be enough to resolve many relationship problems. Fantastic love-making releases tension, dissolves stress, and cultivates a feeling of closeness to each other. It also encourages more intimacy and affection outside of sex. It can make your partner feel really loved and desired.
Respect, trust, and emotional security come from being more centered spiritually
Having more self-confidence will immediately inspire respect from your partner. You will also make them feel more emotionally balanced and secure about the decision to be with you, creating more trust between the two of you.
Relying on your partner for all your happiness is a mistake. Let your main source of happiness come from your inner spiritual connection.
Your partner is human, and as such won’t always be able to meet your expectations. If you expect to get your happiness from your partner you will end up feeling disappointed and frustrated. When you are connected to your spiritual nature you will naturally feel a joy spontaneously rising from within you. Imagine… what is more sexy and attractive: Someone who only smiles when they get affection, attention, and compliments? Or someone who is mostly happy and smiling no matter what they are doing or who they are with?
When you connect with your spirituality your relationship will benefit in these important ways:
- Better communication
- Growth of mutual respect
- Feel more love for each other
- Rekindle passion and improve sex life
Amazingly, these benefits can happen simply from you working on your side of the relationship. Even without expecting your partner to do the same inner work. When you center yourself in your own inner spiritual connection your partner will subconsciously respond in a positive way.
Here are five ways you can apply your spirituality to resolve relationship problems:
1. Root yourself in your spirituality.
This is your foundation. The base from which everything else is possible. You must connect with your spirituality regularly. Regularly means everyday. In whatever way works for you, be it meditation, prayer, walks in nature, listening to music while out jogging, whatever. But it’s got to be everyday. Your human nature will often start to drag you down into some negative thought patterns or destructive habits, so you need to keep lifting yourself up into your spirituality on a daily basis. If you persist, you’ll see the results and you’ll be glad you made the effort.
Recognise and trust the guidance of the spiritual Self. When you are living in a relationship with the Self, then you don’t get so depressed when life is tough on you, because you trust that the Self is leading you into these experiences for your soul to learn the lessons of life.
Regularly connecting with the Self gives you the self-confidence to go out into life and do the things you love. Find happiness in engaging in activities that you enjoy outside of your relationship. Learn to feel happy and fulfilled even when you are not with your partner. Derive your happiness from the spiritual Self within you, and from doing the things you love.
2. Understand your spiritual journey.
Keep in mind that you are on this Earth to evolve spiritually and come ever closer to the Divine Self. That means having to learn lessons which can sometimes be tough. Life is not meant to be easy and comfortable. When you are too comfortable you are not growing. By being exposed to hardships, negative emotions, frustrations, you are seeing all of yourself; you are integrating all the parts of yourself; you are becoming more whole. And as you learn the hard lessons you expand in your consciousness of the Self.
So change the way you look at things and welcome relationship challenges. Inwardly thank your partner for giving you the opportunity to grow both in your personality and in your spiritual nature.
3. Acknowledge the negativity that comes from within.
As humans we have inherited the animal side to our nature. The animalistic emotions from that nature served us early on in our evolution for our survival, and continues to some extent in our blood and bones. We can’t avoid or deny it. To do so would be to ignore parts of ourselves. By acknowledging it we become whole and open ourselves for the healing grace of the Self.
Through experiencing negative emotions we are able to exercise our will in learning to master the more animal side of our nature. So negativity is important for you to grow.
Don’t be ashamed or disgusted when you feel the rage of negative emotions uncontrollably coursing through you. Those crazy emotions are showing to you parts of yourself that you may not have seen before, or maybe had been trying to suppress or hide from. Welcome those emotions as your teachers. Accept, acknowledge, and let them go.
Use the right strategies for you to work through your negativity. There are many great ways to do that using psychological methods. Find what works best for you, and the more you practice the better you will be at managing your emotions.
4. Live in the Now.
Whatever your particular brand of spirituality, living in the now is something which will bring you closer to the spiritual Self. It will also have immeasurable benefits on you relationship.
Living in the Now means being totally present. This simple concept forms the basis of the teachings of Eckhart Tolle who is a beautiful example of living in the presence of the spiritual Self. Be completely focused on what you are doing. Don’t do one thing while simultaneously thinking about another thing. Try to avoid multi-tasking. You can actually be more effective when you concentrate on just one thing at a time. If you plan your day well you don’t really need to multi-task.
For your relationship, definitely don’t multi-task when interacting with your partner. Don’t be looking at your phone, checking your Facebook, or whatever, when your partner is trying to talk to you.
Give you partner your full attention and you will see that they respond differently, you will make them feel more valued and more loved.
5. Honour the Divinity within your partner.
Your partner is a unique expression of the Divine. Through the uniqueness of your partner’s quirky personality the Self is expressing itself and contributing to the world in a way that no other person can.
When you make your partner feel good you are honouring the Divine within them. Your selfless actions of pleasing your partner also please the Divinity within them, and consequently the Self within you. You can actually have quite a spiritual inner experience when you do something special for your partner.
And remember that you have an opportunity to assist your partner to evolve and experience the Self. Whatever you do you are helping your partner in their spiritual evolution. Whether that be encouraging them in their spiritual practice or having a heated argument… your presence in their life is enabling them to come closer to enlightenment and the grace of the Self.
Compliment your spirituality with psychology to fix relationship problems.
If you would like to read about some other common sense, but too often overlooked, things you can do to improve your relationship, check out my earlier post: 5 Less Obvious Keys to Relationship Success. The points mentioned there compliment this post, and go hand-in-hand with the approach of using your spiritual connection to solve relationship problems.
So whatever your spiritual background is, understand and study how you can make these essential keys a part of your own spirituality. In this way, working from your side of the relationship, the changes that take place within you will filter through to your relationship, and your partner will respond positively to the new energy you are projecting.
Photo credit: Love is on the ground© by Sean Molin
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